Overwhelmed by your feelings? Wondering how to tame your anger, sadness and fear?

Feeling overwhelmed?

We've all probably felt at times as if we are drowning in a wave of anger, sadness, or fear. It feels like there's no room left to breathe, those overwhelming feelings taking up all the space, like a bully hogging the entire seesaw, leaving no room for joy and happiness in our lives.

All emotions have a place and function. Feeling angry is normal. Feeling sad is normal. Feeling scared is normal. There are no bad emotions; anger, sadness and fear are all part of the rollercoaster ride of being human. The problem comes when we feel like we're stuck on the rickety, out-of-control bit of that ride. Constantly feeling angry, down or anxious can be very tough and feel like pushing a massive boulder up the hill of life. We don't experience the same problem with joy, do we? I don't think there's such a thing as too much joy, right?

So how do we tackle the emotional overwhelm?

While anger, sadness and fear aren't bad emotions, we don't really like them. So we have a tendency to push them down or away, like pushing a beach ball underwater. But just like that beach ball, those emotions have a way of bobbing back up to the surface, often at the most inconvenient times. Think of them as pent-up energy, and when energy isn't spent in a healthy way, it can build up in our bodies. This can lead to physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, or tightness in the chest. So, what can we do instead of pretending these emotions don't exist?

The trouble is we are often not even aware what we feel. We often, through life, become disconnected with our bodies and our sensations in our bodies. We also learn through life that some emotions are more acceptable than others. Perhaps in your family when you were growing up it was okay to be sad, but never okay to be angry. You may, as a result "feel" sad at times when you are actually angry. So the first step in healing is to start recognising and naming what you are feeling. Being curious about your experience, being curious about sensations in your body, like tightness in your chest or a churning in your stomach. These can be clues to what's going on underneath.

We often worry about the overwhelm, if we allow our feelings to surface. We often worry that if we open Pandora's box of bad feelings it will never end. But the reality is, intense emotions last for around half an hour. The problem is when we bottle them up. Those suppressed feelings can linger for days, weeks, or even months, affecting our mood, behaviour, and even our physical health. If we hold them in long enough we can become overwhelmed and explode like a volcano. Imagine shaking a bottle of coke and opening the lid up – a messy eruption! So what if instead we allow little sips of the pent-up energy to escape in a controlled way?

We tend to manage our unwanted feelings in an unhealthy way. We all find our own different way of numbing ourselves, like drinking too much, isolating ourselves, overspending, or mindlessly scrolling for hours. Maybe it's drugs, food, excessive gaming, or constantly placing bets. Whatever the unhealthy numbing coping strategy, it's important to remember: it only provides temporary relief, and often causes more harm than good.

Practical Techniques for Feeling Better

What if there was a better way? What if there were healthy tools we could use to manage our emotions that wouldn't leave us feeling worse in the long run?

Be kind to yourself and look after yourself well:

These suggestions are pretty common sense and come under the heading of basic self-care: make sure you eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and prioritise rest and sleep. These healthy habits aren't just good for your physical health, they also play a huge role in regulating your emotional well-being. Think of them like giving your emotional toolbox the right equipment to deal with whatever comes your way. Expanding on basic self-care - do more of what brings you joy. Self-care is not selfish, it is vital.

Going beyond self-care essentials, there are practical techniques we can use to develop healthy coping strategies for specific emotions. Techniques like mindfulness exercises, journaling, and spending time in nature, can help us deal with anger, sadness, and fear in a healthy way and create more space for joy in our lives.

Some techniques to try:

Mindfulness exercises: Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgement. There are many different mindfulness exercises, such as meditation and deep breathing. These exercises can help us to become more aware of our emotions and to accept them without judgement.

Journaling: Journaling is a great way to explore your emotions and to identify patterns in your thinking. When you write down your thoughts and feelings, it can help you to make sense of them and to develop healthier coping strategies.

Spending time in nature: Spending time in nature has been shown to have a number of benefits for mental health, including reducing stress and anxiety. When you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, take some time for a walk in the park or a hike in the woods.

Gratitude journaling: We find what we look for! Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help to shift your perspective and boost your mood. Gratitude journaling involves taking a few minutes each day to write down things you are grateful for. This could be anything from big things like your health and loved ones to small things like a beautiful sunset or a great cup of coffee.

Breathing and Grounding:

You can try "belly breathing." Take a slow breath in through your nose, allowing your belly to expand. Hold for a moment, then breathe out slowly through pursed lips, as if you are blowing through a straw. Try to make the exhale longer than the inhale. Repeat this for 5-10 breaths and notice any changes in your body or emotional state. Belly breathing helps to downregulate the nervous system from the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) mode to the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) mode. Even a few slow, deep breaths can make a big difference.

In addition to breathing exercises, grounding techniques can also be helpful for feeling more present in the moment. These techniques involve using your five senses to connect with your surroundings. Here are a few ways to try grounding:

Notice your physical sensations: Feel your feet on the ground, the chair supporting your back, or your clothes against your skin.

Engage your senses: Name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel (besides your body), two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

And, most importantly, feel your feelings:

Allowing yourself to feel, acknowledge, and validate your emotions is a powerful way to help them dissipate. It's been said that "what we resist persists." If we allow ourselves to feel our feelings, they lose their power and make space for new emotions and experiences. Instead of shoving our emotions down, we can acknowledge them, name them (am I feeling angry? frustrated? scared?), and validate their existence. Feelings are just that, feelings. They are not facts, and we don't have to act on them. They are signals from our body that something is happening. Simply allowing ourselves to feel, acknowledge, and process them in a healthy way can be incredibly powerful.

We are all very unique, so it is important to find your own way of taking control of your emotional overwhelm. By taking care of yourself, developing and practicing healthy coping strategies, you can learn to manage your emotions in a healthy way, take control of your life, and create a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Remember, you are not alone. If self-help isn't working for you right now, or if putting self-care strategies in place feels like a struggle, consider talking therapy. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping strategies. Don't suffer in silence. Don't hesitate to reach out for help. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled.

Here is one of my favourite short meditations to help with unwanted thoughts and feelings:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exLaebgFO_8&t=11s

Breath, be where your feet are and take care.